My dad got in a scootering accident this evening. My oldest brother was on the back and hopped off just in time but my dad took the fall and the scooter crashed down on him. He suffers some pretty heinous road rash and a broken clavicle. It really shook me up especially when I found out he wasn't wearing a helmut. I keep crying. I can't live without my dad right now. I really need him to be the rock in my life because I am hurting right now and healing. Slowly, but eventually I'll get there. I'm so thankful to God that he's in the condition he is and not worse! Luckily, all of my siblings are in town this weekend and easily found. We all touched my dad and prayed with him for his body and I totally felt the Holy Spirit's energy channeling through my body to my dad's. It was an awesome experience. Humbling.
This puts life in a new perspective.
I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Saturday, February 23, 2008
i dont want to fit in
I wish I knew what it was like to grow up in a different era. The 60's would have been nice. I think I would have totally fit in. Groovy.
I only say that because in this day and age where self worth is based upon whoring oneself around the internet via myspace and facebook it's really hard to feel like I belong. That shit just isn't a part of who I am or what I'm about. I don't pride myself on the deepness of my fake tan. Although, as a side note, I do enjoy the fake baking once each year. I can back my cancer 'treatment' up solely based upon the fact that in natural UV rays it takes my skintone, by birth, forever to show signs of a colorchange. I don't live for the weekend that I won't remember much of. I don't feel the need to inadvertantly make every single female out there less worthy than myself jealous of my hot boyfriend and equally hot friends. I just don't do that. But the fact of the matter is that the percentage of girls who desire that way of living make the rest of us feel like we can't compete. This is a growing epidemic.
Whatever happened to parks? Picnics? Flying kites? Who made it a rule that all those activities we ohsoloved when we were little have to stop when we reach a certain age and alcohol, drugs, sex, and vanity become what matters.
It shouldn't matter.
Simplicity matters.
I only say that because in this day and age where self worth is based upon whoring oneself around the internet via myspace and facebook it's really hard to feel like I belong. That shit just isn't a part of who I am or what I'm about. I don't pride myself on the deepness of my fake tan. Although, as a side note, I do enjoy the fake baking once each year. I can back my cancer 'treatment' up solely based upon the fact that in natural UV rays it takes my skintone, by birth, forever to show signs of a colorchange. I don't live for the weekend that I won't remember much of. I don't feel the need to inadvertantly make every single female out there less worthy than myself jealous of my hot boyfriend and equally hot friends. I just don't do that. But the fact of the matter is that the percentage of girls who desire that way of living make the rest of us feel like we can't compete. This is a growing epidemic.
Whatever happened to parks? Picnics? Flying kites? Who made it a rule that all those activities we ohsoloved when we were little have to stop when we reach a certain age and alcohol, drugs, sex, and vanity become what matters.
It shouldn't matter.
Simplicity matters.
Friday, January 18, 2008
little girl
I have been having very vivid dreams lately. Each night gets progressively stronger in feeling and last nights was a striking testament to that.
I dreamt I was in a supermarket minding my own business trying to get through the line and out the door. Suddenly at the front of the store there was this little girl screaming at the top of her lungs! No body knew exactly what to do judging from the same shocked face everyone had showing. After a few moments of inaction, I decided to try and calm her. As I got closer to the commotion I realized she was fighting against a boy. His age stays undetermined but her attempts to get him to listen to her were that of brutal. I managed, after strenuous coaxing, to get her to look me in the eye and listen. It was then that I told her that I understood her and was here to listen. And at that moment, she collapsed into my arms and sobbed harder than any grown woman I have had the displeasure of seeing/hearing cry. The strange part of this dream is how I comforted her. And that was by crying just as hard alongside. I recall the frailty of her body. It wasn't a malnourished body but one of continual emotional neglect. Something in me helped her to emotionally attach and every sinew throughout her body agreed with me. It was the sweetest dream I have ever had.
I dreamt I was in a supermarket minding my own business trying to get through the line and out the door. Suddenly at the front of the store there was this little girl screaming at the top of her lungs! No body knew exactly what to do judging from the same shocked face everyone had showing. After a few moments of inaction, I decided to try and calm her. As I got closer to the commotion I realized she was fighting against a boy. His age stays undetermined but her attempts to get him to listen to her were that of brutal. I managed, after strenuous coaxing, to get her to look me in the eye and listen. It was then that I told her that I understood her and was here to listen. And at that moment, she collapsed into my arms and sobbed harder than any grown woman I have had the displeasure of seeing/hearing cry. The strange part of this dream is how I comforted her. And that was by crying just as hard alongside. I recall the frailty of her body. It wasn't a malnourished body but one of continual emotional neglect. Something in me helped her to emotionally attach and every sinew throughout her body agreed with me. It was the sweetest dream I have ever had.
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